My Art

My Art
Mytrle Beach, SC Fall 2008

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Homes

I've always had an attraction to certain houses. Sometimes it was a great old farmhouse surrounded by lots of trees & land, or a small house perched high on a hill with a big front porch, sometimes even an old falling down Victorian that I dreamed of owning as a child. Some houses just hold special meaning.
Having moved around a bit I've found some houses meaning more to me than others. Of course, one of those houses was the little block house I grew up in, and then there is my Grandparents house I spent a lot of fun times there, & the house I was at with my kids the most while they were growing up. We spent about 10 years there, before we had to sell it. We had many good times there. Lots of memories.
I can't say any of them were all that outstanding in appearance. Never really mattered if they were brick or stone, fancy or not. Just some held on to me longer than others. I do believe that is why some houses become homes & are forever planted in our hearts, they become alive to me. I don't know if that is a normal thing or not. To love a house & feel it is alive. But, I realized this trait must be hereditary when my little grandson Jake, who is two; says goodbye to everyone when leaving & he has started including saying goodbye to the the house.
“Good-Bye Grammie's House”, He said. It's so very sweet.
Houses, or I guess I should say Homes; become just as much a part of us as the people & precious memories of times spent there. I am thankful I've had several real homes that have stuck with me through my life. Still feels like home when I go there, filled with so much love. ~KellyRae July 2012
(Photo is of my house I grew up in my niece Jessie took.)
"A House is more than paint & walls, ceilings & floors; a house is a history of all those people it has sheltered & when we move away we leave behind us the persons we were then. The prints of our fingers on a door frame, the marks on a floor we walked, the whisper of our voices, & all those things that were done & said." ~Earl Hamner Jr.

Monday, October 3, 2011

A Glimpse...

I wrote this about a month after we lost my Daddy to cancer. I thought I would share it today. It's been three years that he has been gone but, it seems he's been gone so very very long & sometimes it seems like he was here just yesterday. I guess that is how it is with loss sometimes. I miss him so.
He was the best man I have ever known. Our whole family still
suffers from the loss of him in our lives.

A GLIMPSE...

I wait for you
At ever corner,
every turn...
Expecting...
I think any minute,
there you'll be,
good as new...
But there is no one.

I look for you,
everywhere,
hoping to see you,
to catch a glimpse...

But I'm the one whose lost these days,
I want to ask you things
and I listen,
but there is no answer...
There is only wind.

I want to sit at your feet,
hear your old stories
and laugh at your jokes.

I want to go back in years,
I want to hide your cigarettes
and scream at you until you quit.
Maybe it would have made a difference.

Now,..I wait..
...we wait..for the day we can all be together..
....wondering through our lives,.
Trying to make things make sense,..
Trying to leave our mark, as good as you have.

But, no one is in your chair,
I sit there sometimes,
wondering what do I do?
Going on is hard without you.

I just hope I don't forget the sound of your voice.
So, I can always remember.

I wish I could catch a glimpse of you,..
Just for a second..
I don't want to forget....anything.
By: KellyRae
Written:Sept. 20, 2008


I often think of how distraught I was back then when other family members would say they thought they saw him or saw him in a dream & oh how they talked. I thought, "Why can't I see him...why haven't I !? Why am I not dreaming of him?"
But, now I realize after reading something about loss...that as bad off as I was back then; if I had dreamed of him...I may never have wanted to wake up. Because living without him was so very hard. The blow every morning when I did wake & realize he is really gone...was overwhelming.
But, I did get up & I did go on (as he would want me to)...& I did it for him..for my family. Now, day to day living is a bit easier. But, missing him & the pain of it is the same. Losing someone to cancer is indescribable & heart wrenching to say the least. Sometimes it rushes at me out of no where & overwhelms me all over again...I do dream of him now...every now & then. He usually doesn't say much in my dreams. He just smiles at me.
I am not sure why we don't have conversations in my dreams. We had so many during our time on earth together. He always made things okay for me. He was my Daddy & the one I leaned on. We shared a lot in common too and had done many things together while I was growing up. Maybe it was because we had said everything we needed to. There were no regrets...nothing left unsaid. I figure maybe it's because I know deep down he is okay where he is at now. I know he is with friends & loved ones that have went on before him. He is not suffering or in pain anymore. He is not sick with cancer.
And it is not a forever goodbye...but a temporary separation from one another. One of the many reasons I can Thank our Lord for His wonderful promises. I find peace in that. I remembered this from one of my fav movies; it always makes me think of my Daddy.
"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"
That is my Daddy. We are all left with great mememories of him...but a big hole without him. I am thankful to have known him...had him as my Daddy & we were all blessed to have such a good man in our lives.
(quote from: Clarence Oddbody-It's a Wonderful Life)



Photos are: My wonderful parents Lynda & Roy Pack Married 50 years before he passed away in Aug. 2008 (from cancer in his lungs & brain) & the other photo is of my Daddy & me on my wedding day in 1995.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Been A While:



It's been a while since I've posted to my Blog or even posted a new photo. Been busy with life I guess & dealing with Fibromyalgia & all it's issues that slow me down. Our Summer has been full of all sorts of 'stuff & goings on & things'.
So I thought today I would just check in on my Blog...post a recent fav picture or two I've taken in the last few months (which is always hard for me to choose) & post a quote I read today.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer!
~KellyRae

“It is in the darkest skies that stars are best seen.” – R.P. Evans

**1st photo: Horton's Creek East TN
**2nd photo: our Sweet lil Jake..those eyes light up the world!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

I saw my Grandma today...


Photo:Grandma & Grandpa Pack (Joseph & Hazel Pack)I miss them both SO much.

Photo:Grandma with her sons (my Dad on the left)







I saw my grandma today,...
in the garden center browsing the shelves of tulips & various houseplants.

Strolling the isles of herbs & vegetable seeds, taking slow quite strides, not in any hurry.

I saw her from the side, couldn't really see her face, just the silver gray hair, styled the way she always did..wearing just an old red pok-a-dot blouse with a safety pin holding the top closed where normally a button would have been in its place. I was sure it was her, down to her flowered print skirt that didn't match & the black clog type of shoes on her socked feet.

My breath caught in my chest & the whole world stood still.
In awe I couldn't speak...I was frozen, memorized for that moment...
to see her alive for this brief encounter,..
she was walking & humming to herself as she sometimes did.

Then in a flash the image was broken,..an unfamiliar face turned & looked up at me.
Startled...I smiled at her awkwardly brushing past her quickly & turning around the corner down another isle..as my heart began to ache & pound...reality came crashing through... because it was not real.
I stifled back the tears for the years I have missed her...I had to get out of the store...I saved my tears for my ride home. Once in my truck I took a deep breath & the tears kept me company on my drive; not just sad ones... but thankful ones,...for that brief memorizing moment,
where I was reminded of the kind, gentle, flower loving, quilt making, funny lady that was my grandmother before the disease of forgetfulness had stolen her from us years before even her death did.
I was instantly taken back to the walks in the woods with her I had took & the stories she had told me, & the time we spent on the front porch 'snappin' beans' together & talking. I was reminded how she held each one of my children when they were small & how she had loved them so enthusiastically.
I could even smell the flowers she tended in the numerous flower beds in her front yard.

I know it wasn't her...but the lady I saw was so similar that for that one moment...it brought back so much.

It was nice seeing grandma today.

~KellyRae Huber
May 13, 2009

My Grandmother: Hazel Edith Baker Pack
Died at age 89 on Mar. 3rd, 2003

Suffered with Alzheimer's for many years.

Check out this upcoming event in Facebook Events:

Beyond The Rain - Fundraiser For Alzheimer's Association
World Premiere of an Original Play by Weldon Payne of Manchester, TN


Start Time:
Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 7:30pm
End Time:
Sunday, October 25, 2009 at 2:00pm
Location:
South Jackson Civic Center, Tullahoma, TN
Street:
404 South Jackson Street
City/Town:
Tullahoma, TN